Mommy Monday; Mommy Guilt

Monday, October 4, 2010

Yep, we all have it. (Or at least I hope I am not the only one). It's that thing that comes creeping up in the back of your mind that says, "you didn't do that well enough" or "what kind of bratty child are you raising?" I know that these thoughts are things that I shouldn't stress over or give too much thought to, but sometimes they are hard to ignore.

Mommy guilt is the thing that makes you feel bad about doing things for you and not devoting all 24 hours of the day to your child. It is the thing that makes you question whether you are doing or saying the right thing, whether you have got it right or wrong. It is the thing that leaves you thinking, "Am I raising this child in the way he should go or am I sending him down the complete wrong path?"

The guilt is not always brought on by us alone, sometimes other peoples words or even mean looks bring about the guilt or deepen it. Yeah lady, I am at Target at 9 at night with my son in his pajamas and no, it probably isn't the best thing but we are getting on the interstate to drive and he will be asleep in five minutes. Yes officer, I did just yell "that sh** isn't free at my son in the backseat but he is the one who dumped over the goldfish!! My excuses aren't always good ones and they don't always validate my actions but I know deep down that I am leading Cian in the right direction and he gets the love, attention, etc. that he needs.

I think I really felt the guilt when I went back to work, and not so much for leaving him with someone but more because I wanted to go back to work. Don't get me wrong, it was hard to leave a 9 week old (and still is hard to leave a 23-month old) and I did long to be with him and still have days when I would much rather be home playing with my son. It's just that I felt like I should want to stay at home, but I just didn't. I wondered, can you really be an efficient mother, wife, employee, friend, etc. at the same time? And do I want to just be efficient at all those things? I still wonder that sometimes as I am dragging out of bed at 5:30, but I have put the mommy guilt to rest. Yes, it is ok that I don't stay home and don't long to stay home. I think it is the most challenging job to be home with a child and I have so much respect for the mommy's and daddy's that stay at home, but I am not ready to be one of them.

I know the way to nix this guilt and to receive guidance on how to raise my son is to pray about it. I am really good at the praying part but I think I still need to work on the listening to God's answers part.

Philippians 4: 6-7: Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

A cute picture of Cian in a laundry basket just because...

1 comment:

lbh2h10 said...

Oh Becca! I must confess that I am secretly jealous of your ability to be a working Mom that didnt seem to feel guilty. You do so much and I have know idea how you do it. I kill myself over leaving Jackson...for lots of reasons. As a result I have made my life so much about him that I lost myself. Slowly starting to realize thats not too healthly for either one of us. Now Im trying to figure out who I am apart from being a Mom..ha. Nobody tells you about that part of having a baby. Love you blogs and miss you!

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