Dear Child #1 and Child #2

Friday, February 10, 2012

Dear firstborn (aka Cian),

When you were born you showed me that there is this love that I never new existed.  It is a love that is consuming and as close to selfless as I can be.  When you were born I looked at this little face that belonged to a baby who needed me, needed me for everything.  You were this child that Steve and I had helped bring to life.  I thought that I was very blessed to be able to feel this way and that maybe I felt just a fraction of the love that God feels for all of us.

With you everything was new and I was learning so much.  Our family went from two to three and I thought how three truly is a magic number.  There were a lot of sleepless nights and I had no idea that you could even be that tired and function, but those days passed.  I loved holding you and rocking you to sleep and just spending peaceful days with you.  There were so many times that it was just you and I and I relished in them. I also got pretty dang sick of daytime tv.

You kept growing and I kept being surprised at how fast it was all happening.  Those people that I thought were crazy that said kids grow up really fast were really right.  It didn't seem fast in the middle of an all night crying/eating session or a tantrum but then one day I woke up and you were three.  I am happy but sad that one day I will wake up and you will be twenty-three.

Right now the world is your oyster.  I love watching your budding imagination as you "read" books and turn everything into a story.  There are bad guys around every corner but super Cian (or Batman, Superman, Spiderman, etc.) is there to get them every time.  I have learned more about Star Wars and Super Heroes than I ever thought I would know.  I am pretty sure I could give the geeks at Comic-Con a run for their money. Heck, I even have a Leia costume.

I love cuddling on the couch and watching movies with you and listening to the songs you make up.  I looked at you the other day at the movies with your hipster looking 3D glasses on and I was so happy I could cry.  I love reading to you and hearing you "read" your books.

I can't wait to see what God brings you and how you grow and change.  I hope you will face it all head on and never lose the zest for life you have now.  I hope you will always sing and that you will not lose your imagination.  I hope you will never be ashamed of who you are and that when you dress yourself in high water overalls and a predators jersey you can be as confident as you are at three.  I pray that I will always have the good sense to put my computer down and tickle you when you ask me to and that no matter how old you get I will always listen to you and look our for what you need.  I hope I never lose interest in what you are interested in.


Dear second child (aka Isla),

I wondered when I was pregnant with you if there would be room in my heart for love like I felt for Cian.  I found out very quickly that the Grinch is not the only one's heart who can grow three sizes.  While I was pregnant with you there wasn't as much mystery, I knew some of what was to come, I knew how to change a diaper, I knew about the sleepless nights, I knew about the spit up stains on my work clothes.  I also knew just how much you would rock my world and how much I would cherish and love you.  You are one lucky baby, I relished in every second you were in my tummy (even those five days after my due date) and knew you were growing and God was knitting you together.

I am truly cherishing every sweet early morning with you and snuggling with you every night because you are probably my last baby.  I am trying to relish in cuddling you and calming your tears.  I love our quiet times while I feed you.  I know life is more hectic and I can't just cuddle you all night but I hold you closer, knowing that one day I won't be able to hold you for that long or give you as many kisses as I want to.  I love hearing your little noises and your laugh.  When your feet are tickled you giggle and it is probably the cutest thing I have ever seen.  Your smile truly can light up a room and make your daddy melt.  I love the way your eyes light up when you see us.

I love all the girl clothes, headbands, socks and accessories.  One day I will love buying all the girl toys (My Little Pony hear I come) but most of all I love the girl who you are and the girl you will be someday.  I pray that you will follow God and that you will not listen to what the world says you should be and look like.  I pray that I will be able to let go and let you be who you are meant to be and not who I am or who I think you should be.  Of course I pray you are smart and beautiful and I believe you will be to me no matter what. I also hope you are compassionate and determined and that when you find your dreams you don't give up on them.

I can't wait to watch you grow and see the girl and woman you will someday become.  I hope it doesn't happen too fast, but I know it will.  All too soon you will be rolling, sitting, crawling and walking. Then running and jumping.  I know there will come a day when I will not be as cool as I am now (at least in your eyes because we know I will still actually be cool) but to me you will always be my baby girl and I will always cherish you.


And as I look at both of you I wonder, can it possibly get better than this?

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